Man in the Mirror

I've continued to read Getting Rid of the Gorilla by Brian Jones. What really spoke to me was his chapter on forgiving oneself. Guilt, Jones explains, has two faces. One face is God-inspired guilt that leads to repentance. The Holy Spirit convicts me of sin, which leads me back to God. The guilt I feel when I sin is the Holy Spirit poking me in the gut. I then go to God asking for forgiveness and He forgives.

However, for me there is always a guilt that follows this exchange. Jones calls this phantom guilt. "Man, I can't believe I did that." "Why do I do that?" These are the comments that immediately follow God's incredible forgiveness of my sin. I humbly ask God to forgive me and then proudly do not accept His forgiveness. Then for days or weeks I beat up on myself for failing.

I'm not sure if I'm alone in this struggle. But, I believe that my journey towards forgiveness begins with looking in the mirror and forgiving myself. "Jeremy, let it go. God has forgiven you." These are the hardest words to say. But, releasing myself of past sins will help me to release others of their sins against me.